I’ve been avoiding this because… I’m a hater or something.
But… there’s a silver lining that appeals to my beat.
Morgan Stanley facilitated Facebook’s initial public offering. This matters, and it does, because my first name is Morgan. I take interest in the transactions and business dealings of Señor Stanley and JP Morgan. My Wall Street namesakes best stay dogged.
Some sage Graffiti Artist made bank. He was paid in gum instead of cash for painting the walls of Facebook’s Silicon Valley office with the esthetic wonders of InterventionHall of Famer, Allison’s, second favorite vice. Gum is geek for stock. Stock presently valued at $200 Million. NaCl is geek for salty. That’s me.
Some HBIC lady who goes by Sheryl Sandberg is Facebook’s Chief Operating Officer. At inception she owned 1.9 million shares and stands to get 38.1 million more, which would make her one of the few billionaire women in Silicon Valley.
I would sell.. I would sell, my love, my silver Versa Hatchback, Man-Man, and invest the cash as capital to the first wiz-kid I encounter if in five years his IPO swindle would render me R I C H. The kind of rich that makes one want to name their first child Agamemnon, buy an island chain off the coast of Portugal, and entertain bffl’dom with Sir Richard Branson.
Lookit, the official S-1 SEC filing. Click through some of the utterly irrelevant photos too, if you like. Zuckerberg thought they’d make some analyst happy. A tender offer.
Aside: I named my car Man-Man because he’s a pimp. He’s a hatchback with Cornell Alum plates and a presidential tint. Thugged.